Hard Cold Facts: Epic Martian BBQ Edition
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Originally Published on July 22nd, 2490
ONN/Blade Storm Reporting
Repeat after me, folks: Don't piss off ARES.
That's right, as it has just been reported, ARES finally decided that these native separatists had enough fun and decided to roll in with the big guns, quite literally too. Now, I could spend hours describing how big, throbbing, and sexy those ARES ships are to you my friends, but this is one of the few things that you definitely, definitely need to see yourself to believe. These aren't your regular ships either, understand this is not the same as strapping guns to a Shoji40 and calling it a tank, these are ships that the boys at Advanced Research and Experimental Systems use to blow shit up at an astronomical level, in fact, you know what? I wouldn't be surprised if at least one of these ships were used to blow up Gaius Station, Papillon Station, or Delta Station, and yes, I know that the reason why those three space stations went up in smoke was a tactical nuclear device, but my point is... Had any of these stations denied ARES entry? You'd have seen a War in the Stars, or a series of... Star Wars, if you will.
Folks, welcome to yet another food related titled edition of Hard Cold Facts, I'm your host, your best friend, and the guy who's always right in the end, Blade Storm.
Now, as I enjoy my fifth Vodkatiny at the beautiful Eden Pool, right after my third 75,000 credits deluxe Luna Burger that most of you can't even afford to see, much less taste, I can't help but wonder... Where are those Natives after this? Yeah, there are no statements, no defiance, no smartass going all "PFFT ARES SUK WE RULZ LOL" on the NET, what? Holocat got your cybertongue, you fucking fucked fucks?
"But Mr. Storm" I hear Robbie asking, Robbie who replaced Timmy last time, and I'm very close of replacing him again because he keeps asking me if I'm related to some dude called Lynch for some reason, I don't swing that way, okay Robbie!? "This attack just happened! Maybe that's why they haven't been able to say anything!" Well of course Robbie, as usual, a very good and correct observation, and while I get you replaced by some other kid, I'm going to address it: Remember the smartasses celebrating over the death of soldiers? Yup, they were first in line after it happened, how much you wanna bet they will be all offended if I poke fun at ARES's mighty "No prisoners, no fucking around" policy? What, can't take the heat? Is that what this is? Remember one thing folks, the Demons claimed to be the protectors and keepers of these people, and the death toll is over 42,000 under their watch! 42,000! How do you justify that? You don't, you fucked up, pack up your things, get the fuck off the planet, you failed. Plain and simple.
FACT: They were warned. Oh they were warned, by a lot of people. Hell even they seemed to understand there would be blood right? Well here's your blood, your people's blood, in gallons, drowning whatever survivor is still trapped under that debris, didn't you want this?
Folks, when it comes to War, one thing is talking about it as something romantic, and a very different thing is to live it. Talk to any retired soldier you find, ask them about War, and you'll see some horrible things. The soldier will probably have a meltdown if he tries to remember all the things he did, were done to him, or had to do to ensure his survival. It's never an easy task. But for anyone outside of it all? It's very easy to pain ARES as incompetent, and their ragtag bunch of rarely showered, drugged up, fuck up friends as saviors and conquerors, ain't that right ShadowNET Keyboard Warriors?
FACT: You were wrong, and how wrong you were. It's easy to accuse ARES or whacking down competitors just because, do you even know what ARES does? Besides having badass bitching' battle synths ready to fuck up your life, like all those Hades Residents found out today, of course you don't, why? Because you are an idiot. Of course their main field of operation is War, these guys live it, these guys make a habit of it, and they sell it to others, and their secondary field? Cybernetics.
Folks, it's very simple, a competitor is that one commercial entity that does the exact same thing you do, right? You create HoloVids for all to watch, your competitor creates HoloVids too, but in 3D, and so on and so forth, you two are in the same field, and you gotta strive to be better than the other guy, this is called competition, and I already told you why this is a good thing for you, the fat fuck listening to my nigh angelic voice, because you get more options, more accessible prices, and in the end: High Quality products.
"But Mr. Storm" Robbie, for the last time, I am not fucking Lynch, dunno who Lynch is, and I don't care about tighty whities, I don't even know what those are! I'm a tiger print Speedo man "Aren't ARES actions detrimental to all corporations? These actions have created several issues throughout the system!" Well Robbie, let me spend some time educating you with my next...
FACT: Corporations are actually benefiting from this even more than you think! Recently, Governor Bancroft pretty much made Cervantes Rexen, He Of The Majestic Dreads, a deity, dubbed him Son Of Selene, and pretty great guy overall. You may remember that Governor Bancroft pretty much took control of the situation, decided to protect his people and took all the food he could get without sacrificing Luna's high class. "Oh no, corpo baaaaad" I hear you say, yeah well, tell that to the miserable fucks raiding convenience stores and bodegas all over because goodness forbids that the refugees mow down your adored Brawndo: The Thirst Mutilator, that's panic shopping, that's hoarding, but Governor Bancroft did it to preserve his people, his way of life, his home, his colony. And of course, he also had an open door policy to talk to the fine people of the Morpheus Group Management, and Aegis Macrogenetics, what happened? They secured food, water, and now they can also do the same for their people.
"But Mr. Storm" I hear Danny ask, because I got tired of Robbie asking me stupid ass questions "Doesn't this mean that corporations had to bow down to Governor Bancroft?" If going to your neighbor asking for a favor is bowing down, then yeah, by all means, you bow down, you kiss the ass, and you say thank you sir may I have another? But that's not what happened. You see folks, sometimes you get wrapped up in your own rage so much that you forget the basics. Luna is the epitome of corporate life, Luna IS corporate, would you, regular Joe be admitted there? Of course not, but would corporations? You can bet your ass they would. And here's the thing, in the end? There's NO ONE ELSE benefited from this other than corporations, I'm gonna give you a few examples, so pay attention.
Let's get with the Refugee Crisis, well, Crises at this rate. Let's pick, oh I don't know... Cocoon Station, we get ten thousand people coming in, and that's when Cocoon Stations "WELP, no more people, closing doors on everyone else" because let's be real, Cocoon Station ain't that big. So now, Cocoon Station has ten thousand new people. These refugees need jobs. Who has a pretty sexy program running for refugees right now? MGM. Most of these refugees will need medical and cyber assistance, who offers those services? GTT, SNS. These people will also need entertainment, and a place to get wasted, do all the drugs and hope to wake up from their fucked up life and find out they were a billionaire having a fucked up dream. Gee, I wonder who can offer something like that? Why, MGM again of course! Bars, Hotels, Casinos, High End Escorts, what, you think your weird, smelly neighbor living in a Tea House can give you all that? By the thousands? Please...
And let's say we go to Earth, who's the one corporation doing their best to provide food to the thousands and thousands of refugees? Aegis Macrogenetics, who are the ones to provide housing on Earth Site X17? Vulca Group, and who will be watching over you so that Chimera over there won't eat you after holding questionable carnal acts of dubious nature upon your person? Free Company.
Folks, in the end? No matter how hard these people try to spin it? Corporations benefit from everything, and if you think everything you get is free? You're sorely mistaken, nothing is free, everything comes attached to a price. Whether you pay it now, or a few months down the line? That's different, and that's why corporations have survived, and will always survive anything and everything that comes after them: Because they are providers, because they care, because their interest is to keep you alive, and let's face it, your own interest is to remain alive, and waste your life away, so why not help you out do that? It'll only cost you a few credits a week, a month, a year? No need to trouble yourself over what to get tomorrow, let corporations decide for you, let corporations make everything easier and better for you, after all? You're already used to it, aren't you? You call a robot that brings your car to you and you get in your car, go to your home, get out, call the same robot, press a button, and the elevator takes you home where you will spend the rest of your day sitting on your ass.
With that said? Folks, when these Natives try to change the established order, and try to paint all corporations as criminals, remember, that very comfortable lifestyle you're so used to? That dream job you want to get? That SolBank account with six figures you wanna get? All that? It's under attack, it's under threat. Sure, being a criminal pays off, but how much does it pay off knowing well that you can piss off the wrong corporation and have them show up in your home with guns a hundred times your size and ready to blow you up? These people know what they did, and they knew this was coming, and all this stupidity cost them 42,000 lives in a few hours. Can they keep this up? Can they afford to get more lives on their kill count? Can you?
So let's wrap this up folks, War is accelerating, and it's getting as dark as these people always said it would get, but now that it's actually happening? It's not them the ones raining fire down on corporations, it's corporations, ONE SINGLE corporation raining fire down on them. Imagine what would happen if the Big Three joined up against them, imagine what would have happened if ARES had gotten serious since the beginning. But here you are, still thinking you're dealing with people pretending to be soldiers, still thinking all you need is a few apps on your comms to hack ARES, when in reality, you're facing men and women who have made their life's mission becoming the best soldier, the best corporate black hat, the best engineer, the best programmer, the best pilot this system has ever seen, and in the end, you? The pretenders out there? You only get your dreams, that will come crashing down when you're faced with the hard, cold reality.
Think about it, and when the time comes to pick a side, think about your choice, because folks? That may be the only decision that matters in your life, and the last ever decision you'll ever get to make. Don't become a statistic, don't become part of another 42,000 tomorrow, be smart, preserve your life, and let the professionals handle everything else. Everything will be alright in the end.
The Storm™ Has Spoken.
Blade Storm is a Corporate Law Analyst, Writer, and member of the Red Circle, an exclusive community that debates the progress of Corporate Law and Human Advancement in general. Fiercely pro-human, and pro-regulation, he's a Mars born journalist who believes in human supremacy. So far, he has survived three four attempts on his life, and is said to be eagerly awaiting the fourth fifth. He is a three time Martian Herald Award winner, and a two time New Geneva Award For Excellence In Media winner.