Hard Cold Facts: I Told You So Edition
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Originally Published on December 18th, 2489
Orbital News Network/Blade Storm Reporting
Just when you thought you were safe, The Storm comes back and fucks up the days of the undesirable ones, just like in the good ol' days!
That's right folks, your favorite truthspeaker has returned after over a year of being gone. ONN has offered yours truly a contract unlike any other in the history of ONN: A massive paycheck, just as massive as Grant Jones's losing streak at life, my own schedule to grace the masses with the truth spoken from my mind, to my mouth, and to your ears, and most importantly? The first ever uncensored privilege to any Political Commentator in the history of the system. That's right folks, now I can call out shitheads for being shitheads and there won't be any bleeps, there won't be any redacted nonsense, the pure, RAW truth that you need to hear, even if you think you don't!
So what is your friend Blade Storm gonna talk about this time around? What truths will be sent your way this time around? Will The Storm get a second apartment on Luna? Maybe an entire block on the luxurious Alva City on Mars? Perhaps a city named after yours truly somewhere on Earth? Get ready folks, because this is about to get wild, just like in the good old days.
For those of you who don't know me, hello, I'm Blade Storm, and chances are you're gonna hate me. A lot. And that's fine, you see, people like you; with limited brain power, always end up hating people like me; those speaking our corporate given truths. I will tell you the things that will make you angry, I will show you the truth, and I will show you why everything you thought you knew to be right is completely, absolutely, and undoubtedly wrong. Too many big boy words? Get used to them pal, The Storm is nothing but eloquent, elegant, and extreme, all wrapped up in one nice, middle aged, wise package. So let's get to the meat of my return, shall we?
FACT: The Ka---Kaka---Kaku---Fuck it, the Hidden Demons have fucked up. Big time. Now, for those old enough and with enough functional brain cells left in your chrome domes, you'll remember that there was a crime syndicate back in the day called the Twin Dragons. The Twin Dragons would also fuck up, fuck up a lot, those fucking fucks. They convinced people like you that you didn't NEED to listen to whatever the corporations had to say, that the corporations were wrong, that you were free just for being born, that you could rule yourself and do whatever. You know what I call all that? I call it idealistic bullshit. Sure, it sounds nice, it motivates two credit lazy assholes to remain two credit lazy assholes, but at the end of the day? It's still bullshit. Those of you old enough to know how to tie up your glowing shoelaces will also remember what happened to the Twin Dragons: BOOM. They were all holed up in their Dragon Tower on Sector One, and due a very heroic and manly raid led by then premiere Corporate Law Enforcement Agency, ATS (Now known as the glorious and extremely handsome and tactical APD, under Armitech's umbrella) the Twin Dragons done gone blown up, with the entire Tower collapsing and several criminals having found their executions carried on summarily. Now, over a year later, we have these new guys, the Hidden Demons, bigger, meaner, really like swords and to dress up. They are behind a ton of crime on Sector Two, from extortion, to kidnapping, the murdering, to vandalism, and somehow, these sons of bitches still manage to convince you, the regular, gullible, idiotic people that what they are doing is right. You know what I call that? Good ol' regular bullshit. In return, they "Promise" to protect people and establishments, because you're under the impression that the big, mean, cruel corporations have done you wrong. Well, boo fucking hoo, if you have a job, you're expected to perform, you fuck up? You get canned. No exceptions. That's how corporations roll, that's how people make money. Meanwhile you sit on your ass all day, hooked up to the NET, watching reruns about pants allergic Space Elves, and dreaming about Mars, and you STILL think that these guys are gonna come through for you and make you rich. Seriously, people, how stupid can you get? So, what happened a couple of nights ago?
FACT: Sector Two of Cocoon Station, long known to be problematic and infested with crime gets, well what else? Attacked, but not a regular attack, folks. Far from it, these are the kind of people who do this for a living. Earlier descriptions pointed at military personnel and military-grade synths running rampant, starting their attacks on the upper Levels of the Sector, in short? They worked their way down. There were explosions, there was a ship gunning down people, and there were even snipers shooting down innocent people, just what the hell is going on? Soon enough, sword wielding cosplayers are running wild and fighting these people. Well of course they are, they can't make money off you if you're dead, now can they? Problem with this, is that these Hidden Demons don't give a shit about collateral damage. That's another big boy word, basically, they are gonna fight whoever they wanna fight, and they don't care who else gets hurt in the process, see what I mean? Ask Kazuma how his Pawnshop fared, talk to Ray to see if he's gonna open up his pizzeria, and reach out to the crying and grieving people who lost family that day. If these military types started killing people in Sector Two, the Demons did their part too. But just who the fuck are these military types?
FACT: An earlier report given to me by a very trusty friend tells me that these agents are being identified as part of the Rising Sun Security, a Corporate Law Agency. "Ah hah!" I hear you saying "That's a corporation! A corporation attacked Sector Two! See? The Demons are right!" And you would be correct, if only you weren't a fucking idiot and a failure at seeing the big picture. Now, allow The Storm to show you the big picture. The Rising Sun Security company is just a front, a front for what you ask? For a criminal enterprise of course, to something called Asak---Asakaku---For fucks sakes people, what happened with simple names? A-S-A-K-U-R-A Gumi, there I said it, that group is a Yakuza Family, an old one, it's been around for at least 100 years (That people know anyway,) so what happened? Well, isn't it obvious? The Hidden Demons got into a pissing contest with an animal that is much larger, much stronger, and has a much bigger bladder that therefore contains much more piss than you can imagine, it's like one of them horses some people around here love so much: Once they start pissing they go at it for good 15 minutes, things get overwhelming, and overwhelming is the operative word here friends: This Yakuza Family simply said "Enough is enough" and showed the Hidden Demons how to REALLY fuck things up for someone and have someone really have a bad day. Let me put it in simple terms some of you uneducated idiots can understand: The Hidden Demons pissed off a criminal syndicate, said criminal syndicate came back, and steamrolled them. The end. "But Mr. Storm" you're about to ask "We saw the Demons winning this fight! Surely this means they are stronger, right?" Listen Jimmy, you're a nice kid, I like you, but kindly shut the hell up. I ask you folks, did the Hidden Demons really win, or did the Rising Sun Security company pull back when they accomplished their mission? For all we know, stirring things up and getting things look worse for the Hidden Demons was their assignment, right? And if that's the case? You know what? Mission fucking accomplished, bravo, five outta five: Would get invaded by you again.
FACT: A potential impact that will go in the tens of millions of credits is gonna hit Sector Two and Chinatown mainly. Fortunately, the properties of the Morpheus Group Management, and other corporations only suffered minor damages, while smaller businesses, well, folks, they got fucked. Plain and simple, and not the kind of fucked that is nice, consensual, and may lead to the use of Plan B the day after. Some of these establishments may have to close down for a while just to get their bearings, that's not even mentioning the amount of people who got mercilessly killed. A video sent my way before this article went live showed a few Agents from the Rising Sun Security just casually stroll about the Megaplex gunning down anything that moved, bit slow on the defense there, eh, Demon fucks? "But Mr. Storm" asks Jimmy, who's really getting on my goddamn nerves "What about the fact that the Demons warned some people to stay indoors and potentially saved their lives?" Ah yes, let me get to this right now and address it, ALLEGEDLY, there was someone within the Demons that may or may not have contacted a corporate figure and warned them to stay indoors while the threats were through the roof outside. Does this make sense to you, friends? A syndicate that is openly anti corporations, WARNING a corporation? The Hidden Demons, for what I'm told by depraved and fucked up followers of the Demons, have built their follower base on the belief that corporations aren't needed to call the shots on every aspect of life, that Replicants are people instead of just flesh and blood sex dolls, that Synths should have rights eventhough they are as smart as that old, moldy toaster you have on your counter, that Mutants aren't horrific mistakes from Mother Nature... And they go back on their core beliefs to warn someone? Someone belonging to a corporation? See the problem I have when following this premise?
FACT: Armitech Private Defense, AKA APD, AKA the most organized bunch of people working to uphold Corporate Law, AKA the most prepared Agents to keep YOU safe from threats like the Hidden Demons and other minor fuckheads who just want to get your credits just to get the next Cyberpunk 2577 game and get further fucked up, decided to execute a plan that many would find controversial. I will not get into details as to why some may consider it controversial, rather, I will get into details as to why it worked, and why you should be thankful. APD Direktor, Miwa Hiraki (Appointed to lead APD by the Armitech CEO himself, which makes her pretty fucking right for this job) called for the quarantine and isolation of Sector Two while this attack was taking place. Immediately, our boys and girls in purple and black moved out and did exactly that: Keep you safe, and let the fires rage on with the Demons and those Rising Sun people inside. Now, these are professional people, folks, they know what they are doing, there is no incident too big, there is no violence so cruel that they won't intervene. And these are just facts: In the past year alone, criminality on Sectors One, Three, and Four went down and that is thanks to mainly Direktor Hiraki's efforts and the teamwork within the APD Leadership, and the devotion and dedication of every single APD Agent. You want badass, motherfucker? You're looking at them, in all their purple and black glory. While most of their operations concerning this incident are to be carried out with discretion, I can assure you one thing folks: APD is not to be trifled with, they are gonna get to the very bottom of this fuckery, and call out every single fuckhead involved in any way, oh those cells are gonna get packed for sure. Not since ATS's raid on the Dragon Tower had I seen determination and professionalism like what I saw on APD when they kept people safe. Will the barriers and quarantine be ever lifted? Most likely folks, but not until our good friends at APD tell us things are good to go. In the meantime? The Storm advises you to obey every single indication you receive from APD, it's for your own good and your own protection.
FACT: This fuckery is the fault of one entity, and one entity alone: The Hidden Demons. Think about it, the raid that took place in October of 2488 and ended in the collapse of the Dragon Tower would have NEVER happened if the Twin Dragons didn't exist, and just like that? This regrettable attack on the people and assets of Sector Two would have NEVER happened if the Hidden Demons didn't exist.
So what happens now? Folks, I think it's more than evident: APD has a moral duty to have a more significant presence in Sector Two. Sad but true, because Sector Two was given a chance: To see that people ruling themselves was not gonna work, not now, not ever. Period. Expect to see our heroic APD Agents all over the place too, there's a lot of work to be done, and that most likely represents a lot more of working hours, and I for one am sending a formal request to have APD salaries increased, because not only will the boys and girls of APD work longer hours, they will be exposed at the wrath of angry morons who think themselves entitled to shit.
Friends, as I told you before, I am back once again, and I will do things my way, and you will like it, you will take it, and most importantly: You will talk about it. Not because I'm incensed, but because you know deep inside that I am right, and I am right because I am better than you, in short? Just listen to your betters, let your betters handle every tough decision, don't trouble yourself with trivial stuff like thinking or deciding how to do things. Instead, your betters will handle all that for you. This event is unfortunate, but a year ago, I told you so. As long as people like these Hidden Demons exist, and people who think they can have a life outside the Corporations exist, actions like this will be necessary, and people like me, telling you the truth you need to hear and understand will be around.
The Storm Has Spoken.