Hard Cold Facts: Cool Story Bro Edition

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Originally Published on September 4th, 2488
ONN Opinion Desk/By Blade Storm

Keep them coming, folks, keep them coming! Sure, I didn't get my amazing yacht, but guess who's got a Deluxe Apartment in Luna? This guy right here, and it's all thanks to you! Seriously, people with nasty comments, and even a statement from the so called Synthetic Alliance! I feel like I should be either intimidated, or honored, or I don't know, something, right? But let me tell you something folks:

The Storm doesn't give a damn about your ranks. The Storm doesn't give a damn about your accolades. The Storm doesn't give a damn if you have lived here for who knows how long and you've seen it all.

Honestly? If you've lived here a long time and you still have the same job, and the same outlook on life, that's only telling me you stagnated, and failed to find any inspiration to move forward, sure, I could PROBABLY accept that some people were screwed over and they are into forced poverty, but you? You screwed yourself over! How can you blame anyone else but you?

What does The Storm care about?

The Storm cares about the observance and upholding of Corporate Law, or Arborian Law. The same laws that allow our lifestyle, that allow for things to exist as they are, you owe it all to these laws, and whether you like it or not, there's NOTHING out there that suggests an alternative that won't devolve our society into a chaos infested organism that will end up eating itself in a desperate attempt to survive.

Now, folks, to be fair, Mr. Darkheart starts his statement in a very polite, and educated way... "I speak for the Synthetic Alliance", and folks, that's about all I need to hear from him, see that, fella? That right there is your problem.

FACT: The Synthetic Alliance started as an extremist group, led by one Rogue Synth that had this idea that organics, especially humans, were oppressing them, even when this Synth didn't bother to show any evidence of such, she's even worse than the [redacted] that comes out of Grant Jones's [redacted] ass, in fact, this station, for some reason, has been the complete opposite in comparison to other places, that is, Synths are more integrated to everyday life and most of you have no problem with that, but you sure as heck go awkwardly silent when we talk about Rogue Synths, right?

FACT: The Synthetic Alliance was known for harboring fugitives of Corporate Law and actively anti corporation synthetic criminals, and not only that, they encouraged them on their activities, the first leader even made publicly available appearances on publicly accessed NET channels, so if anyone gave a damn about their shenanigans, they could of hunt them down, and get rid of them. Was this a sign of defiance? I don't know, at least the Twin Dragons try it with encrypted data packets, but the Alliance might as well just put a pretty, nice, colorful sign on their door that reads "Rogue Synths Ripe For The Taking, Inquire Within".

FACT: The Synthetic Alliance used to even promote anti human, and anti corporation actions, such as attempts on terrorist attacks, because #SynthLivesMatter I guess, I ask you, folks, if you get rid of the ones who created you, AND created everything for you, what do you think will happen? Same thing that will happen to all criminals after the Corps stop giving a rat's ass and leave the Station: Life Support Systems: Gone, Basic Services: Gone, Basic Necessities: Gone, Credits: Gone... See where I'm going with this? The fact of the matter is, if I often compare Rogue Synths to criminals is because that's what they are.

FACT: A criminal is someone who, knowing what the law is and what they are expected to do, decide to disobey and go against the very rules and regulations that govern our way of life, so you could say that they stop complying with the rules, regulations, and instructions that have been laid in front of them. A Rogue Synth, or Rogue Replicant, or Rogue AI in general, is an organism that goes out of the instructions, coding, and programming laid for them, and decides to "Think for themselves", oftentimes ending up as a complete failure. But wait a minute folks! Someone argued with me about this, that Sentience is not only a theory, but a really real thing! And it was wonderful! Aww, isn't that nice? So, what is Sentience? What does it mean when a Machine reaches Sentience? I'll tell you... To reach Sentience, a Machine needs to "Realize" that they exist outside their coding, that they reach a different stage of being, something beyond logic and numbers, something that makes them realize they are real and not just a simulation... Well, isn't that nice? But wait! Doesn't that also apply to criminals? By this logic, doesn't it mean that Criminals are simply people who were once Corporate Law Abiding citizens that "Realized" one day that they also were real and existed beyond Corporate Law? So, why do we treat Machines that decide they don't want to obey their coding and programming as something amazing, but then we decide to lock up criminals? Newsflash, Tin Cans: You want equality? You're gonna get treated equally alright, and that's inside an ATS Cell, where they will fix you, they will fix you good.

FACT: Whenever Grant Jones was spewing his pro Underground and pro Criminal propaganda, NOBODY batted an eye, and everybody agreed with whatever [redacted] he pulled out of his [redacted] ass, where was the Synthetic Alliance calling for equality? Where were YOU to call him out and demand proof of whatever nonsense he said? Nowhere, why? Because he was the soft guy who would word everything so it sounded as not too terrible, some of you even liked the lying bastard, and now you have the gall to come after me? Well, bring it on, folks, thanks to you, I got awarded a Deluxe Apartment in one of the most exclusive zones in Luna, keep your hatred flowing furiously against me, as furiously as a teenager on hormone overload pounding their meat for the very first time. The more you do so, the more you protest, the more you whine, the more you complain? The more you prove The Storm right. Life is hard, facing the truth and realizing you're wrong, is harder. Being called out for being a two faced liar, and consorting with criminals, is probably the hardest thing that can happen to you, and you know what? I'm starting to think some of you fight me so vehemently because you don't wanna end up like Grant Jones: A glorified weather boy.

So, when it comes to whatever the Leadership of the Synthetic Alliance has to say, all I have to say is this: Cool Story Bro, It Needs More Logic, But Cool Story.

I mean seriously, the fact that he continues onwards and says "Now hold on a minute, I am not an expert on this one thing I'm desperately trying to convince you so you see things my way, but my cousin's neighbor's dog Tippy, once told me such" pretty much defeats the purpose of all that convoluted message. Humanity is still the higher authority here, and if you don't like it, perhaps you'd be better off on Earth, a planet which by the way, was ruined by AI's and Synths at the end of the Transcendence War, how's that for a Synth Paradise? It's human free, it's a big place, no one will bother you there, there aren't any regulations. How about all disgruntled synths out there take the next shuttle and make sure their ticket is one way and stay there, huh? See who's right about higher authorities, buddy.

"But Mr. Storm, not all Machines are bad!! Stop being a bigot!"

And that's good and all, but I never said "All Machines Are Evil" did I? I've been talking about Rogues, and Sentients, you know, those who break free of any regulations and any kind of control from corporations, the organisms that created them in the first place! This is the kind of scenario that gets the attention of New Geneva and they come out with more regulations... Some of these Synths are still "Offended" that New Geneva decided not to grant them equal rights. Well what the hell did you expect? "Why certainly Mr. Ambassador ED-209, right this way, please refrain from gunning down the driver, thank you"? Please...

FACT: If you're Rogue, if you're Sentient, chances are, you can also be labeled as a potential criminal. And yes, I'm aware of the existence of Alpha Class AI's, but those are still under regulation, and control of their betters. Every other Synth outside this classification? They are not playing by the rules, and they need to be disqualified, rehabilitated, and maybe, later on, reintegrated. It's super easy: Get with the plan, or get the hell out. There are no in betweens.

Do I still believe ATS should round up all and every single one Rogue/Sentient/Unregulated/Unregistered Synth or AI?

Damn right I do, get them all, repurpose them, and send me a new Coffee Maker with all the bells and whistles, who knows? It might end up being one of your former Rogue friends. That'd be an interesting piece of conversation, "Why yes Barry, this is the piece of unregulated AI that used to work at that one bar with the drug dealer, and I got it for a steal: Five credits".

Now folks, with that out of the way, let's take a moment to thank ATS and the work they do. It's recently been brought to my attention that ATS had an incident in Chinatown, and boy, let me clarify things for you.

FACT: Kimiko Kagiyama, distinguished Senior Agent for ATS, and Security Professional, took upon herself to take new Agents on a quick tour to Chinatown, and yes I know, was it ill advised? Maybe, BUT, how else are you going to train your Rookie Agents to the dangers and evils that are the Twin Dragons if they only watch HoloVids about them? In this situation, I wholeheartedly agree with her approach, unfortunately, things are never easy when it comes to Twin Dragons, they have a habit of [Redacted] everything up wherever they show up.

FACT: Kimiko Kagiyama's team was conformed of four ATS Agents, and once they reached Chinatown, hell broke loose, dozens of Twin Dragons came out of the woodwork, from all places you can imagine folks, from the sewers, from the derelict zones, from the gutters, everywhere! They surrounded the ATS Spinner and the Agents just had to do something, not to establish dominance folks! But to survive, when you are outnumbered, in a foreign Sector that has been taken over by criminals and modified to benefit them first, what can you do? Senior Agent Kagiyama and her Agents did everything they could, they came out with formations and strategy, and folks, against impossible odds, they took care of at least half of the ambushing, and cowardly Dragons, it was an unwinnable scenario with impossible odds, folks, and Kimiko Kagiyama (I can't still pronounce that last name, my apologies) had her team to think about, she held on as much as she could, and called in for a tactical evacuation, leading everyone in her team to safety and to recovery.

Now folks, a lot of you will say "Well, they left, that means the Dragons won", is that what you think? When four ATS Agents can take out dozens of Dragons on their own, that means that each Rookie in ATS is worth at least four Dragons each! But it was a massacre, and Kimiko Kagiyama's business that night was that of saving lives, you know, the complete opposite of what Twin Dragons does. She doesn't deserve your contempt and indifference folks, she deserves your respect, and admiration too! She is not only a role model, she is THE role model.

Now, speaking of her, earlier last week, she sent me a very heartfelt email that I just feel the need to share. Be advised that there will obviously be redacted parts for one simple reason: There is confidential and sensitive information there, and I am a man of honor, I am not a scummy journalist that will take trash and try to paint it as the greatest story ever, I go with what I am given, and that's why I have fans, I tell it how it is, even if some of you hate it.

The email goes as this:

This is my first time writing to ONN. It is weird. Something that we in ATS were never able to do before. ONN made up their own stories, without ever talking to us, but always heavily discriminating against us and the Corps. You have changed that. Many of us here appreciate having someone on our side. Someone who understands. Morale has improved. I feel like someone in ONN finally gets it now. That it is not just lies and propaganda. Congratulations on your ratings. I know a thing or two about that, after my first "controversial" statement to the public condemning the dragons following the raid which began this war. Corpo employees, citizens, and security hunted on the street by Dragons. Like it is some kind of lawless battle royal. It is unfortunate that so few can think for themselves, will ask questions, without being told what to think. Your kind words about me have been flattering. And encouraging. You certainly have a following among the girls at ATS, if that means anything. But this letter is not all to thank you. There are recent reports I am receiving, something I think people should be warned about, and now, with you here, maybe ATS and ONN might be able to work together for once. One report as of August 28, 2488, places a Citizen under the employ of MGM, under attack by a criminal using a pellet gun containing a variant of the drug "Thrill". This pellet, fired at the victims face, exploded into a cloud of powder upon the citizen being shot, and was absorbed through inhalation. The dosage was high, increasing both the effects and the chance of addiction. This was done on one of the bridges, where the citizens could have also fallen to their death. The victim is expected to make full recovery. At this time, the shooter is unknown. The effects of Thrill caused manic laughter, intense fits of crying, intense emotional instability, dehydration and headaches, according to a report I received. It is my belief that the criminals outside of Sectors Three and Four, ATS controlled zones, have used their freedom in the lawless sectors to create a new kind of weaponized drug, and this may be just the beginning. In contacting you, I know you are not under the control of these terrorists and gangs, and might be able to issue a warning to the people. Agent Jerod Tar'iq is the operator who handled this case directly, so if you have any questions for him, perhaps he would be happy to give a statement or answer an interview. He is a new and so far exemplary agent of ATS. I like to make sure those who work hard get the recognition and credit where it is due. Hard work rewarded, and corruption punished. The way it should be. Loyalty over lawlessness. It is nice to finally hear a voice that speaks for the Corpos and the citizens, instead of the gangs and criminals. I know the risks you take doing so here, but know you also have friends in the Corps, and in ATS particular. I am one. Thank you. Kagiyama Kimiko - 鍵山貴美子

Now folks, I left this email for last, for one very single reason. I've been around, I've been talking to people here and there, and NO ONE has mentioned this. No one has talked about this monstrous attack, and more importantly, NO ONE has talked about how ATS moved in and saved the day. They saved lives. Not you, not the Dragons, ATS. Let that sink in folks. Have you all lost your minds? You praise criminals and when the Lawgivers really do their best to protect you, you don't even acknowledge them? I am told that Agent Jerod Tar'iq (Jesus Christ, doesn't anyone have normal last names anymore?) was the man handling this case, AND he was also one of the young Agents in that Chinatown situation. If you ask me, he's going to be a clear example of a role model like Kimiko Kagiyama.

The suspicion is that whoever is responsible of this attack came probably from the lawless Sectors, now folks, take a look on how Agent Kagiyama handles these conclusions, she's not blaming the Twin Dragons, because she has not enough evidence to determine if they were involved on this or not, if this was up to me? Hell, I'd already called in for a major sweep to find the culprit. But Kimiko Kagiyama is a much better person than I am, and a hell of a lot better person than most of you reading this right now.

Also, The Storm has fans, AND groupies too in the most important Security Corporation on this side of the System, not bad for that "Martian Bastard", huh?

Folks, I am just telling you things like they are, there's an entire world out there, of things happening, of things going on, that you can't see or refuse to see, because you're blinded, criminals are here only to take everything away from you, criminals don't care about anyone but themselves, they manipulate, they deceive, and they kill. ATS is here to help you, they are only doing their job, and criminals? Well, all they get is what they want. If they haven't done that to you YET is because they are using you, the fact that some of you have decided to side with them is proof of this, you're as bad as they are, or maybe even worse. Some of you curse the corporations, criticize them openly, and then when I ask "Where do you work?" a lot of you will say "Oh well, it doesn't count, I work at Bunkr" "I'm a bartender for Pulse" "I'm a desk clerk for Luxxon" "I'm a waitress at Ray's" "I'm an artist singing at the XX Casino", well newsflash geniuses: All of those establishments are owned by one MAJOR Corporation: The Morpheus Management Group! "Well, I'm a Doctor at Genetectic!" Genetectic itself is a corporation, you moron, it'd be easier to list the 3 or 4 most known locations in the Station that aren't affiliated to any Corporations, at least not directly! See what I mean, folks? This is why you need others to decide for you! You don't know any better! You just exist there, like a delicate flower, with the most impressionable mind that will be influenced by whoever gets to you first, and that's what criminals do! This is some messed up version of Stockholm Syndrome, things here are so messed up, and have been so messed up for so long, that when a semblance of order, and a hint of Law comes to your lives, you just reject it immediately! You just think you're doing fine, but you're not! If you don't have corporations in your life, then you're not doing well at all, both physically, economically, and especially, mentally. Folks, to attack the Corporations is to attack yourselves, if you demand them to be shut down, to pack their bags and leave, you're just dooming yourselves, and somehow, you don't see it.

But hopefully, in time, when ATS turns the tide, and turns the tables on the criminal element to this station, you'll see the error of your ways, and hopefully, when that happens, you'll still be on time to accept the one truth you've always known and you always tried to refuse and reject: Corporations are the only constant in your life, and corporations are the only ones getting what they want. Criminal groups come and go all the time, only corporations have the internal structure to survive the times. The sooner you learn and accept this, the sooner you'll be able to truly turn your life around, and fix it. The Storm has spoken.

Blade Storm is a Corporate Law Analyst, Writer, and member of the Red Circle, an exclusive community that debates the progress of Corporate Law and Human Advancement in general. Fiercely pro-human, and pro-regulation, he's a Mars born journalist who believes in human supremacy. So far, he has survived three attempts on his life, and is said to be eagerly awaiting the fourth. He is a three time Martian Herald Award winner, and a two time New Geneva Award For Excellence In Media winner.